I fell pregnant with my son Max when I was just 22. Although me and James had been together for about four years at the time and were living together, it wasn’t in our plan. We’d talked about having children in the future but certainly not any time soon. We just didn’t feel ready, there were things we still wanted to do and financially we weren’t in a good position. So when that second line appeared on a pregnancy test, I completely crumbled. I didn’t know what to do and I felt like my life was over. I didn’t want to be a mum, not yet.
Of course, once you give yourself time to process it and you get used to the idea, it becomes a lot less scary and in the end it all worked out for the best for us. But it was a very difficult time and there’s a lot you learn from an experience like this. So if you’ve clicked on this post because you’re going through similar, don’t panic! You’re going to be fine and hopefully you’ll find that this post helps….
1. There is no right or wrong time to have children
Although at first you panic and tell yourself that you aren’t ready to have children yet. There really is no right time to start a family. It’s going to be tough no matter what your age and circumstances are. I look back now and I am so happy that I had Max when I did, I really don’t think I would find it any easier becoming a parent for the first time at the age I am now.
2. It will all be fine
Your life is not over, which is exactly what I thought at the time. What about all the holidays I wanted to go on? What about my job? What about my social life?! In reality, life is just beginning. Being a parent is tough and it changes your life completely but it is the most amazing and worthwhile change.
3. I’m stronger than I thought
Until you go through something like this, you don’t realise how strong you really are. It’s true that the hard times we go through in life really do makes us stronger.
4. It changes you
Of course, having a child when you didn’t plan to will change your lifestyle massively. But aside from that, the whole experience of going through an unplanned pregnancy will change you as a person. I had to do an awful lot of growing up in a short space of time, we both did.
5. It’s OK to be scared
It is OK to be scared. It’s OK to feel like you’re not ready to be a parent. It’s OK to not be excited. And it’s absolutely OK to cry. Let it all out, feel everything that you need to feel. Talk it through with your partner, your friends and give yourself time to let it sink in.
6. You’re not alone
It’s easy to feel isolated in this situation. You feel like you are the only person going through this, nobody can relate and you have nobody to turn to. Firstly, you’ll find out who your true friends are, the ones who are there for you through the hard times. And secondly there’s a whole load of women out there who are going through/have been through the same thing. Babycentre is a great forum to join, as well as Facebook parenting groups. Open up to people who can give you first hand advice. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can be the greatest help.
7. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to us
Finally, without a shadow of a doubt, our unplanned pregnancy turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to us. Our relationship became stronger and we realised what’s really important in life is love and family. A life without Max in it would be a very dull one, that’s for sure! Remember that although a baby might not have been planned, they are no less loved or wanted.
Thank you for reading.