The Third Baby I Always Wanted but Will Never Have

third baby

For as long as I can remember I always saw myself with three children. Maybe that’s because I’m one of three myself but that’s just how I imagined my life would be.

Even after we’d just had Evie, in that newborn bliss stage, we still said we wanted another. We’ve never had much money and don’t have a big house but even that didn’t stop us from wanting a third.

So what changed?

We quickly leant that having two children isn’t easy. Kids are hard work, really hard work. It’s no secret that I don’t find being a mum to these two easy, in fact I find it really difficult. As they’ve gotten older it is getting easier in some respects but harder in others. And then of course there’s the fact that Max has aspergers and the challenges that that brings aren’t going to go away, it’s something that we will live with forever. So the reality is that we just couldn’t cope with another child.

Of course there’s the practical side of it all as well, the lack of money, space, family holidays being much more expensive etc. But do any of those reasons really stop anyone from having another baby is it’s what they want?

Max and Evie are four and six now and them being babies seems like a lifetime ago. For a long time I didn’t get broody at all when I saw a new baby, I just felt sorry for the mum who was probably feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and living on no sleep. Although I wouldn’t say I feel like that anymore, I know that I wouldn’t want to go through it all again now.

But it does make me sad sometimes. I first started writing this post back in March (yes, it’s taken me that long to finish it!) which is always an emotional month for me as it’s the kids birthdays so I always find myself looking back at baby photos and reminiscing. It’s also a month when I find myself wondering about the third baby that will never be.

Would they be a boy or a girl? What would they look like? Would they look like me and Evie or more like Max and James? Evie would be an absolutely amazing big sister and both her and Max keep asking for a baby brother or sister, which doesn’t help!

Although I do get emotional about it sometimes, I know that it’s the right decision for us as a family and I have made my peace with it.

How many children do you have? How did you decide when to stop?

Thank you for reading.


 

7 Comments

  1. K
    October 29, 2017 / 7:59 pm

    I can totally relate.

    I always wanted lots of children. Three being the most realistic. After my first, I suddenly felt like that was enough. I was content with one and could quite happily be finished. It took me 3 years to agree to our second. I felt it was the best thing for our family – when we got married we’d both said we wanted children (plural) so it would have been unfair to deny that and our little girl was desperate to be a big sister. Now he’s here, he is very much loved and very much wanted.

    Straight after he was born we said definitely no more but now 5 months down the line I could see another. But like you, there definitely won’t be any more. I’ve had complicated births and don’t think my body could survive another (dramatic?). Both babies were premature and I don’t think I’d want to risk that again. Plus, how would we afford it? Where would be put another? We’re done. But the longing is there now and I’m wondering when it’ll go…

  2. October 29, 2017 / 8:43 pm

    I can understand this completely! I’d love to have another baby but equally find parenting two hard let alone three! I have 5 years between my two so have decided if i still want another on 3 years then I will reconsider as I love the bigger age gap 🙂

  3. Charlotte
    October 30, 2017 / 2:40 pm

    I went for the plunge and we are expecting our 3rd on Xmas Eve! We already have a 9 year old and a 6 year old plus my 2 step daughters! I waited for this baby for 3 years whilst my husband got over illness, and I spent most of those years thinking it would never happen. Then one day when life got easy again we thought sod it and here we are. I’m over the moon and can’t wait to involve our girls in the wonder of a new baby. They have embraced it right from the start and are so excited for the arrival of their brother or sister. I’m well aware that there might be moments in the next few years that we think should be have done it when we have been up all night and juggling 3/5 kids but we know it will be worth it.

  4. Sheffield mum
    October 30, 2017 / 9:49 pm

    So funny you’ve posted this as this has been my thoughts recently. I’ve just booked to get the coil so there will be no third for me. I’ve cried lots over this but know its right. But I always thought I’d have 3. But we really can’t afford it as we can barely afford the two we have but also I find it hard as much as I love it…i don’t know if I have the capacity to have another…but it breaks my heart some days. I’m not overly broody for babies more 3 little ones all together as little children. Every time a friend has a third I think how come they can and not me…

  5. November 2, 2017 / 11:43 am

    I have always always always wanted four! And we wanted them close together. The first two came along easily and whilst it’s hard work, I think because I always just assumed we’d have more, I took it in my stride with the knowledge that it’d be crazy difficult for a few years and then it’d get easier at some point! But then I lost three babies as we tried for a third. He came along eventually, two years later than I’d have hoped for, but perfect just the same. So now we’re trying for number 4 and I’ve lost another. I wish I could reach the stage of acceptance and feel content with my three, I really don’t want to keep going through the pain of loss; but I just don’t feel “done” yet. Right now, I’m trying to convince myself that we’re done, but I’m just hoping that my heart catches up with my head because I really don’t think a fourth will happen for us, as much as I’d like it to 🙁

  6. Jessie
    November 12, 2017 / 9:23 pm

    I’ve got three boys – the eldest is 3, middle is 2 next week and the youngest is 10 weeks. I’ve always wanted four but my husband is away a lot in the army and life with three three and under is hard work on my own. Sometimes I feel like my family is complete and other times I feel like I’d love another.

  7. Jess
    November 13, 2017 / 10:17 pm

    I had two beautiful boys and then an awful divorce. A new relationship followed, along with a vasectomy reversal and two devastating miscarriages. Our beautiful girl was then born. Four years old, she is the sunshine of our lives.

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