FEELING LOST…

I rarely write posts like this these days, I’m not sure why. As therapeutic as writing can be, I am a very private person and tend to keep things to myself. That’s probably not the right thing to do as we really should all talk more, be open about our feelings and not bottle things up. Especially when it comes to mental health. So here goes…

Over the past few months I’ve really been struggling. There’s been anxiety and depression, and there still is. And although I’m working on it and feel like things are slowly improving, I am still feeling very lost.

I think what it comes down to is that I feel like I’ve entered a new chapter of my life, both kids are now at school and I’m no longer just mum all of the time. I don’t know what to do with myself and truth be told, I am incredibly lonely. For years and years there’s always been something happening; moving house, having Max, getting married, having Evie, the kids starting preschool and then school, starting my blog, getting a puppy etc. But now, I feel like we’ve done it all and it’s just me sat at home on my own with my laptop most of the time.

At first it was a novelty, having all of this child free time. But now it’s just lonely and I feel like I don’t have a purpose anymore. When the kids were small I saw people all the time, we’d visit family, go to toddler groups, meet up with mum friends for play dates. But once the kids started school that all seemed to stop.

My blog and Instagram are my job, it’s how I make my money and it’s what I would like to continue with but working from home is so isolating and it’s something that nobody ever talks about. Most people see working from home as the dream and yes it can be brilliant. I am very lucky that my work is flexible and I can be there to take the kids to school and pick them up at the end of the day. I am very grateful that I get to do that, I really am. But I need more. This little blog of mine is no longer enough for me, I need to be around people, I want to get to know new people, to chat about what we watched on TV last night, I need a new challenge. And most of all, I want to look forward to coming back home again.

I’ve been looking at different options to get me out of the house for a couple of days a week, then for the rest of the week I can still work on my blog and hopefully feel happier and more motivated. I’ve looked at doing a course but all of the adult learning courses I’ve seen are in the evenings which sort of defeats the point for me. I’m looking at volunteering and also at paid work but it’s tricky to find something that is going to be both fulfilling and is the right hours for me.

I just hope that by finally acknowledging how I’m feeling and what’s missing, I can start to feel happier again. I have actually applied for a job this week, it’s literally my dream job but I’m not going to get my hopes up too much. It’s a job that I don’t have much experience in so we’ll see what happens with that, but please do cross your fingers for me!

Have you felt like this before? How did you pull yourself out of the rut? Did you go back to work? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you for reading.


 

6 Comments

  1. March 14, 2019 / 5:11 pm

    Yes yes yes to all the above Emma, you’re definitely not alone and although I do have a job 2.5 days a week its a job I know longer enjoy but until I can do something else its not an option to quit. I long for something new, I’ve felt very lost in my own life for quite a while now but struggled to find a way of getting out of it. I think like you I’ve been a “mum” for so long I don’t know what else to be. Xxx

    • Emma
      Author
      April 9, 2019 / 5:15 pm

      Seems like we’re on the same page. Kids growing up really does effect you doesn’t it? Hugs xxx

  2. March 14, 2019 / 7:01 pm

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I work, but am currently on Maternity leave, as this is a different life for me my anxiety and depression has come back. Being a home, within the 4 walls can be so lonely.
    Wishing you the best of luck with the job, my fingers, toes, and eyes are crossed for you!! (Can you imagine just how lovely I would look doing that haha!!!)
    Why not volunteer at an animal shelter, it would be so rewarding and I am sure would give you extra to blog about! xxx

    • Emma
      Author
      April 9, 2019 / 5:13 pm

      It’s incredibly lonely isn’t it. I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels like this. I didn’t get the job but it’s fine, I’m sure that something else will come up xx

  3. March 19, 2019 / 2:55 pm

    I completely understand girl!!!

    Eva | Urbanwheelz.co.uk

    • Emma
      Author
      April 9, 2019 / 5:12 pm

      Thanks for reading x