Telling your children that you and your spouse are getting a divorce might be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have. You’ll be worried about how your kids are going to react and might even fear that they’ll resent you. But sometimes, divorce is the best option for everyone and it’s unlikely to have been a decision you’ll have taken lightly. But how can you tell your kids you’re getting divorced?
Plan the conversation
Never just blurt out in front of your kids that you’re getting divorced. We all say things when we’re angry, but you really must be careful not to let your children overhear any arguments or discussions that reveal your plans. They must hear it from you directly in a calm, private, and safe place, like the family home. Ideally, you’ll have worked out where the children will be living after the divorce before you tell them. This is likely to be one of the first questions they’ll ask. It’s definitely wise to seek some legal advice beforehand, so that you’re well prepared for answering difficult questions. Cordell and Cordell are family lawyers in London who can offer you practical advice on things such as division of finances, child custody, and more.
A good time to tell the kids is at the start of a weekend; that means they’ve got a couple of days to process the information before going back to school. Avoid telling them on special occasions, such as birthdays or at Christmas, as this could cast a shadow over these holidays for years to come.
Tell them together
The best way for you and your ex to tell the kids is by gathering all the household and telling them together. By informing your children together, you and your ex will be showing that you’re both on the same page regarding the break up. Also, by speaking with your children together, you have full control over the story. This can also help when discussing child custody and parenting plan agreements, as your children can see that you’re both making decisions with their best interests in mind. Even if you can’t stand to look at each other, you and your ex really must try to be united when breaking the news. You’re both adults, so make the effort to put your differences aside for the sake of your children.
Reassure
Finding out that their parents are divorcing can be devastating for children. Even if your children were expecting the break up, it can still hit them hard. Life as they are used to is about to change forever and this can cause them a lot of anxiety. You must reassure your kids as best you can over any concerns they have. For instance, they might believe that they are somehow to blame for their parents getting divorced. They might be anxious about new living situations and the prospect of having to move from the family home. They could also have anxieties that you no longer love them because you’re deciding to break up their family. You, as a parent, must reassure your children of these worries. Stress that the divorce is in no way their fault and that you love them unconditionally regardless.
Explain
Your children might understandably be confused over why you’re getting divorced. Encourage them to ask questions and be as honest as you can. Try not to go into too much complex detail and speak clearly and concisely in an age-appropriate way. You might say something like: “Your dad and I love you very much but we don’t love each other.” You should also explain how your children’s life will change, for instance tell them where they will live and with whom. You might not be able to answer all your children’s questions at this stage and that’s ok. Just be honest with them.
Conclusion
Forward planning, putting on a united front, being reassuring, and explaining as best you can will help you to tell your kids about your divorce.
Thank you for reading.
