As kids begin maturing into adulthood, they will face a huge range of choices. Some of these choices are big (like school options and career paths), and some are seemingly smaller (like friendship dynamics and party invitations). Some of these choices may expose them to risky scenarios – potentially riskier than they fully understand. As parents, teachers, or concerned adults, it can be difficult to watch people who don’t have a lot of life experience navigate complex decisions that could affect them more than they realise. So, to help you out, here are some ways to help teenagers make sensible choices (without lecturing them!)
Avoid lecturing
If your teen seems like they’re heading down a bad path, some parents’ instinct is to launch into a tirade born of their own frustration. And, in fairness to them, lecturing probably worked when the kids were younger and more reliant on the adults around them. You may even be tempted to drag a kid who parties too hard off to rehab today and get professional help, whether they need it or not.
Unfortunately, one of the major features of adolescence is pulling away from parenting. This is often characterised as rebellion, but in fact it’s a perfectly natural part of becoming an adult. No animal stays in the nest once it’s grown. While they may remain close to their parents, every animal goes through a period of exploring further, developing more independence, and learning how to cope with life on their own.
Human adolescents are no different, and what may feel like rebellion is actually part of this process. Millions of years of evolution have conditioned teenagers to pull away from parental influence – and lecturing them is likely to trigger this response. Rather than listening to what you’re saying, lectured teenagers may well raise their hackles and respond very poorly.
So, resist the urge to lecture, and try these tactics instead:
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Encourage Open and Honest Communication
Foster an environment at home where open discussions on any topic are welcomed. Encourage your teenager to talk to you – to ask questions, voice concerns, and share experiences without the fear of retribution or judgement. This approach helps to build trust and shows that their opinions are valued. Try your best to understand their perspectives before sharing your past experiences or imparting advice.
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Help them Identify and Prioritise their Values
Helping teenagers identify their core values can both encourage them to make the right decisions and support their journey toward independent personhood. When approaching difficult issues from the perspective of your teenager’s personal values, you’ll bypass the ‘rebellion’ instinct and help them make choices independently with integrity. So, make time for friendly conversations about their values and what’s important to them.
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Facilitate their Problem-Solving Skills
Let your teenagers solve their problems autonomously rather than interceding immediately. While you can (and should!) ask thought-provoking questions that could lead them to find the solutions themselves, resist the temptation to leap in and provide the answers. Let your teenagers learn from their mistakes and build resilience – but do be there to help if they fall flat.
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Model Healthy Choices
Be a role model. Show them how to make sensible choices through your actions. Be mindful of what you’re modelling in how you manage stress, conduct yourself in relationships, and even make choices about your lifestyle. Try to be as genuine as possible in this, as teenagers are sensitive to pretension.
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Build their Confidence
Strengthen their self-assurance by believing sincerely in their abilities – and by demonstrating that belief. Reinforce their success in the areas they’re good at, teach them to view failures as learning opportunities, and encourage tenacity. A confident teenager will be less likely to feel undermined by peer pressure, which in turn will help them to make sensible choices.
While it is important to guide teenagers towards making sensible choices, bear in mind that they also need room to experiment and grow. Small mistakes are part of their natural learning curve, and the experience that comes from mistakes can foster independence and self-reliance. With love, understanding, and appropriate guidance, teenagers can successfully navigate through this transformative period and make the choices needed to turn into mature and sensible adults.
Thank you for reading.
