Almost every child goes through childhood fearing their parents getting mad at them. At first, it’s about broken toys or simple mistakes, but what happens when it becomes much more serious?
Of course, most parents won’t get mad at such everyday mistakes that can happen to everybody. That’s why they expect their children to immediately share when something’s wrong.
But when kids create an image of worried or angry parents, it becomes easier to shut down. Even though kids process difficult situations differently from adults, they have a sense of what’s good or bad, and what parents thought of them, but they don’t know how to react.
You will notice them being easily distracted and absent at the moment, rather than hearing them express their emotions.
Driven by fear and confusion. It’s easier than lying to parents.
What Stops Children From Speaking Up?
You might think that all that is needed is to reinforce family communication and put additional value on it. Like closeness, accepting each other, a happier atmosphere, etc.
However, the most important part is creating a safe environment and realizing what’s going on inside your kid’s mind.
For them, it’s about extra social pressure, possible consequences, and creating trust for their emotional health.
Sometimes it’s much more than just silence.
So, instead of constantly trying, observing them, and going one step at a time will help children relax in your company.
Fear Of What Will Happen Next
One of the most common reasons why children shut down is simply the fear of consequence.
And, this can go from the most ordinary things, such as hiding poor test results, to covering up for siblings or others out of fear.
When they are covering for others, they face various consequences, from parents’ punishment to getting others into trouble. They might even face bullying because of snitching.
But from a parent’s point of view, they become angry and disappointed with the fact that kids were hiding things from them, not the actual problem.
Okay, maybe just a little.
With this in mind, it’s up to you to face difficult conversations with them. When you start calmly and with sincere emotion, kids can sense it’s safe to speak up.
However, if they are not aware of the long-term benefits of talking with you, they might be silent for a much longer time.And that might get them into bigger trouble than they were already in.
Anxiety And Feeling Different
Depending on the age of a child, they face complex emotions differently.
If the child is younger, it’s possible that they don’t even know how to express what they are feeling. They just know some things off.
And sometimes they don’t have a concrete reason for those feelings.
It’s when they face the fear of being judged and misunderstood.
On top of that, while they grow up, those piled-up emotions can turn to constant anxiety.
It can also be a consequence of bullying and additional social pressure. Whether to tell someone or not.
Adding another layer of fear makes a situation worse.
This might be one of the many reasons why today people talk so much about emotional awareness and teaching kids throughout their whole childhood.
As every negative emotion causes pressure, if they aren’t processed on time, it can lead to an avoidant person.
They Worry Nobody Will Believe Them
Another thing is that even children doubt themselves.
This insecurity brings the fear of being dismissed and not taken seriously enough.
Like when they try to open up to themselves, and parents do not take their problem as something important, just brushing it off.
Unfortunately, when they aren’t taken seriously when they speak about everyday problems and light mistakes, when something serious happens, they don’t see a point in confiding in anyone.
This can go for months or years.
For instance, there are lots of serious cases of abuse and manipulation that are hard to prove, and yet, with all the fear built up, children keep it to themselves.
It has happened even with trusted adults and authority figures, making the situation even harder.
That’s why there’ve been cases and public discussions surrounding the Stockton Diocese abuse allegations (and all kinds of similar cases). This goes to show how people can (unfortunately) easily overlook what’s happening in front of them. While (too) many victims have been silent due to judgment and have been overpowered by authorities.
It’s… it’s sad. Just sad.
Coming down to that first response from a parent, if it’s supportive, it will most likely create an open relationship. When a child feels understood, it’ll most likely continue to share its problems and information.
Conclusion
To sum it up, when you notice your child being more silent than usual, it might mean something’s wrong.
And, if it hasn’t come up with a problem yet, it might be due to one of the reasons above. So, paying attention and reacting differently when they try to speak up may help them open up.
Like helping children build confidence and having consistent communication about different topics.
The most important part is to have in mind how frightened they might be and that they look for signs of closeness and comfort, instead of instant judgment.
Thank you for reading.
